I hate animals...I really do. I think they are dirty and gross and I don't want them to touch me, ever. If you have very large dogs in your house, I probably won't come over - seriously, they scare me! Having said that, I am currently attached to two sets of animals. First, we got these fish for Levi about a year ago (this was all Garet's doing). We thought he would love them and Levi could care less. The only person that has enjoyed them is Kimberly's son, Noah.
We ran out of food for the fish last week and so Garet asked me if he should just kill them quick or let them struggle to live in the ditch water behind our house. What?!?! I just couldn't even comprehend the thought. What did I do? I went and bought more food. I hate these fish.
Second, a bird started building a nest on our porch. A few weeks later, we noticed that there were baby birds in the nest. Levi has been fascinated by them - we look out the window at the birds several times a day. I have to admit it is about one of the cutest things I've ever seen...until a few days ago. We realized not all of the baby birds were moving. The best I can tell, two of the babies have died. I haven't seen the mother bird in a few days now and I really hope the other two are getting the food they need. I hate this feeling.
Normally, the above events wouldn't bother me that much. However, this has not been an ordinary week. Last week, a friend of mine delivered her baby girl with the knowledge that the baby would not live. She found out at her ultrasound a few months back that their baby had anencephaly. I had never heard of anencephaly before and I really wish I never had. She chose to carry the baby to full term - not a choice most make, unfortunately. I can not even fathom feeling her little girl move only to know what was ahead. An amazing mother, indeed.
I've been a bad friend in this case. We had our first child within two weeks of each other and spent so much time during our pregnancies comparing this, that and the other and it was nice to have someone to talk to that was going through the same thing I was going through. Our second pregnancies ended up being completely different - I struggle with why I was given a healthy baby and she was not. I've avoided the situation (partly due to our proximity this time) because I quite honestly could not handle it. The situation is not fair - it really, really isn't fair - but, I have to choose (several times a day) to believe that God knows something I don't. And, He knows a lot of things I don't.
So, if each of you would stop right now and pray - really say a prayer, not just a passing thought - for my friend and her husband and daughter, it would mean a lot to me. As far as I know, the baby is still living at this time. Then, go give your family another hug.
I'll leave you with the words from a song we sang at church on Sunday:
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name
6 comments:
Alison, I know what you mean I think. I had a good friend have a child die while I was pregnant with Daniel. I had no idea how to act, what to do, how to be a friend. I've had many, many friends lose children during pregnancy through odd circumstances. It's takes your breath away as a mother. It does make me so thankful for my children yet maybe somewhere in the back of my mind I feel a little itty bit guilty for things going smoothly for us? I think that's part of why I avoided seeing people and didn't know what to say. I've learned more how to deal with these situations over time and you will too. And it will never be easy but God will give you wisdom and compassion. Yes, from reading this post I do believe you have more mercy than you think you do, otherwise those fish would be dead. :)
I lost some friends while pregnant with my anecephalic son...please call your friend & let her know you are there for her & to see if she needs you..
You cant imagine how alone she feels right now..
Oh, Alison, I had to read your words multiple times to find the right way to respond. And still I am left without words that feel right. Honesty like yours and a heartbreak like your friends are really quite sobering. But, You are right to sum it up here with a choice to trust and praise the Lord still. I don't think anything else will bring any sort of healing and closure so fully for situations like this. I wish I knew your friend so I could hold her in a hug, but in my stead I will welcome your invitation to hold her in my prayers, believing the Lord is holding her even better.
And you are a good woman about the fish. :) And I feel the same way about the bird's nest on the grill on OUR back porch...but so far only eggs are in it.
I'll send up many prayers for your friend and also for you to know how to be there for her. I was reading in Psalm and Jeremiah last night and we can never forget that EVERY life, even as short as this one has meaning in God's kingdom. He was right there when that precious baby was forming. It doesn't seem fair but God's hand is in this, let's just pray that His will and glory will be revealed through this tragedy.
Cindy
Dear Anonymous,
Thank you for sharing that and challenging me! I am so sorry for your loss - as I mentioned in my post, I can't even fathom what you have been through. Is there anything specific that you personally would have appreciated from your friends? What did you need the most? Thanks.
Bird update: The Baby birds flew out of the nest at Levi & his babysitter today - it appeared this was their first flight as they flew into the bushes. They haven't returned. I was almost sad about it. Almost.
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