The other day, the kids and I were going to be visiting some friends of ours. The whole way there I talked about seeing Mr. FirstName and Ms. FirstName...and of course, so-and-so's Mommy and Daddy. Anyway, while we are there, another couple starts telling their children to call them Mr. LastName and Mrs. LastName. I actually stopped for a minute and thought "Who are they talking about?".
It got me thinking about what kids call adults these days. I personally don't think I have ever been called Mrs. Fields by anyone, and let's face it, I'm a full-fledged adult now (sigh). Anyway, when I was a kid, all adults were Mr. & Mrs. LastName and if I see any of them to this day, that is still what I call them. However, I have NO desire for anyone younger than me to call me by my last name.
The only arena I still see this played out with the younger generation is with teachers and I quite honestly don't know why we still do it (could you enlighten me Mrs. Miller :)? Even the kids (well, Levi) calls his teachers at MDO by their first name.
What do you think? When did the trend change? Have we become disrespectful?
11 comments:
i do the same thing. except of course in the south, everyone is 'miss' - miss christy and mr christy, miss foster and mr foster, etc.
i don't think its disrespectful as long as the person you're refering to is ok with it.
I hate being called "Mrs. Owen". I always look around for my mother in law. I have just always told people that I prefer to just be called Jan or - if the parents prefer, they can say Ms. Jan. I just HATE the Mrs. Owen thing and honestly, like you, have to think of who they are talking to!!!
I think that the more formal the relationship, the more formal name you use. Even though it took some time to get used to hearing it, I could not imagine my kids from school calling me anything other than Mrs. Miller. I think if they called me Mrs. Allison, I would find it disrespectful because we do not have that kind of relationship. On the other hand, I could not imagine your kids calling me Mrs. Miller (unless it was in a classroom setting) because we do have an outside-of-class relationship.
When I was growing up, I called everyone Mr. and Mrs. Lastname unless I was close to them through church relationships, I was good friends with their children, or my parents were good friends with them. Then it was Mr. and Mrs. Firstname.
As for the MDO teachers, I don’t really know. I would guess that it is because that relationship between teacher and student does not have to be as formal. It may have something to do with the fact that some older children have a hard time understanding boundaries of appropriateness. I am really not sure about that.
Yeah, I have been thinking about this since you posted and I have wondered too if it is just a dying trend that is going out with our generation. But then I thought, calling someone by their last name is just like Allison said, formal, or maybe more often, professional. And seriously, how many professional relationships do adults have with children except teachers and strangers. Those do seem to be the only contexts were calling someone by their last name feels normal, natural, and completely in order.
I thought of another area that everyone uses - doctors & dentists...Dr. LastName. As others have said, that is a professional relationship, so I guess it is warrented.
I think Mr./Ms./Mrs. Lastname is appropriate for kids, or as an alternative, Sir or Ma'am.
On the other hand, if your kids call you by your first name, then it's probably fine for them to call your friends by their first names too.
What drives me nuts is "Miss" used for every adult female regardless of marital status. "Miss" means unmarried, "Mrs" means married and "Ms" means "doesn't matter".
even the nurses call the md's Dr. So and so...we don't use their first names when we address them, even if sometimes the younger docs answer our page as "hey this is (first name)"...
When telemarketers call and ask for Mrs. Breeden, I always tell them she is not home right now...
And now worries, Alisphere, Charlie will not call you Mrs. Fields...:)
This will be a hot button issue for me with Jude. Adults will be Ms. First Name or Last Name depending on what the situation is. Or Sir and Ma'am. Now, I don't like being called by my last name and I'm still getting used to the new one. It makes me feel old and grown-up, but we are to those 25-30 years younger.
I do think little ones need to learn the roles of people they come into first contact with or interact with. And that distinction is made through names all the way down to Mom, Grandma, their little buddy tommy and teacher Ms. So and So. It sets up boundaries immediately.
I see it as a sign of respect and authority. (And I refer to authorities as who's making the decisions, not a dictator) Kids need to see a difference. And what is a dying trend is kids respecting their elders. Too many parents are "friends" with their kids. I even have a friend that refers to his mother by her first name.
So, as I don't like hearing Mrs. Gibson and probably wouldn't answer to it still today, I think its appropriate that kids learn authority, formality; and respect, love and endearment. They will understand what kind of relationship exists or is established if another naming method is appropriate.
That's my two cents,
Mrs. Gibson (ugh), or Ms. Holly, Momma, or just plain Holly or Gibson.
Just to think of it, I refer to my mother-in-law as Carol. But Josh will call my mom "mom" and my dad, John. Now that's weird!
All great comments! I had to laugh about kids calling their parents by their first name. Levi keeps calling Garet by his first name - we have no idea why!! We aren't encouraging it, but it is hilarious - especially the way he says it.
Oh, and Peter, I want to hear the difference between "Miss" and "Ms" spoken. I can't hear it.
"Ms" is pronounced "mizz" while "miss" is pronounced phonetically. Then again, I'm not from around here.
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