Dealing with Disappointment

For the majority of my life, if I have set my mind to something, I have been able to accomplish it. I can be very self-motivated and this has always served me well...until about 3 years ago. From the time Levi was born, I've struggled with accomplishing everything I want (I can almost hear every mom saying "Amen Sister" as I type this - you know what I mean!). Since the difference between expectation and performance is frustration, you can imagine that my life has had a little frustration the past few years. (Side Note: I am in no way implying that I wish I didn't have kids - please know this!)

The biggest area I have struggled in the past 3 years has been my exercise schedule. When I went to Auburn, I became very motivated to get in shape. As a college student and then as a "Young Married w/o Kids", I had plenty of time to hit the gym or the pavement and I loved it! Exercise has always been a huge stress reliever for me and also something I truly enjoyed.

I was doing step aerobics at 39 weeks pregnant with Levi - it was great! Then, he was born. Hmmm....didn't know that was going to happen to my body. I had a slow start getting back to the gym after Levi was born. It took probably a full year to get back to my pre-children routine. I wasn't too worried when I got pregnant with Kara 3 months later, because I had worked out last pregnancy, no problems. Well, Kara was a handful even in the womb and kept me out of the gym with all-day sickness, severe sciatica pain and a mis-aligned pelvic bone requiring weeks of physical therapy. (Not gym-friendly conditions) Then, Kara was born and here I am 8.5 months later.

For 3 years, I have been trying to do a sprint triathlon. I finally got serious about it a few months ago and started a training program. Things went great for 5 weeks - I knew that this was going to be the year! Then, I lost a week when Garet's Granddaddy died. Then, Garet went out of town for 2 weeks and I just couldn't get in my 5-day-a-week workouts. I realized this week that I will have to give up 3 more weeks of training this summer as well and that's when I had to throw in the towel for this year's race.

It's been very frustrating and disappointing. I kept thinking I could hang in there and keep training, but I know that I wouldn't be ready and I want to be in decent shape if I'm going to actually finish. I hate always saying, "Maybe next year", but that is what I'm going to have to do for now. I know that things will be better in a few months when the kids are a little older. I'll finally be able to leave Kara at the gym nursery and school will be back in session, so that will give me some extra time. Until then, I'll cherish these days with the kids and as my dad always said: "Life is about bouncing back". I can't wallow in self-pity forever! After all, there is always next year...